


"and that's the kind of heart break (time could never mend)"

by seunqmins



Series: in this vast universe, you are all i need [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Implied Bang Chan/Lee Felix - Freeform, Implied Han Jisung/Hwang Hyunjin, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Male Cinderella, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27935293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seunqmins/pseuds/seunqmins
Summary: Not all I love you equates a love story.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: in this vast universe, you are all i need [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032129
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	"and that's the kind of heart break (time could never mend)"

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  
> SO HAPPY TO GET A SEUNGJIN SELCA SO TADAAA
> 
> title is taken from taylor swift's cornelia street
> 
> FAIR WARNING:  
> \- mentioned sex  
> \- mentioned alcohol  
> \- implied cheating
> 
> IF YOU SEE 👞👞 [TWO SHOES], IT MEANS IT'S THE PART WHERE YOU HAVE TO SKIP FOR MENTIONED SEX [not detailed but still]
> 
> ALSO!!! If anyone has read this at 2park tag, YES, that's mine.
> 
> [FYI, the fics in the series are not related to each other]

_Not all I love you equates a love story_.

This self-reminder of Kim Seungmin becomes like a mantra to himself every single time his mind and heart drift off to the possibility of being with Hwang Hyunjin, his very best friend since prom night, at the very slightest his mind allows him to.

_It’s unorthodox_ , that’s how Seungmin would consider it. Not when they both are infinitely different. Seungmin likes the smell of books and coffee shops and enjoys the comfortable silence that comes along it whereas Hyunjin enjoys the loud music and the dances. All sinewy and sleek that he enjoys watching at times.

How he and Hyunjin met is quite ironic, even for him as his mind wanders off when he sees the older, Hwang Hyunjin in his perfect red velvet suit, his long blonde hair perfectly styled to compliment and outline how dashing he looks especially today. 

Everything flashes right through him and he feels the world stop at the exact moment Hyunjin catches his eyes, then waves at him, left hand up in the air, sporting that all too familiar eye smile, who is followed by someone he knows dearly that Seungmin has loved all along all his life.

��

The start goes on like this:

Seungmin hated, still hates, the idea of party but Lee Felix, that sneaky little shit convinces him to attend their senior prom night because _we're graduating, Seung, don’t be a downer,_ only to ditch him ten minutes later after seeing Bang Chan, the senior Felix has been pining over since they were in kindergarten.

He huffs in annoyance and decides that spending forty minutes (not like he’s counting) is already enough and 12 o’clock in the midnight is already late so he dashes down the stairs until he is at the last plight of the stair that his shoe suddenly decides to give up on him, making him tumble down the ground.

He looks back at the offending and now lonely sole of his left shoe, completely off, staring back like his left foot isn’t bare now. _Oh my fucking god._

Seungmin is about to throw off a speech when he hears a sudden chuckle and he whips his head, only to see the Hwang Hyunjin in his red suit complimenting his short blonde hair.

“You okay, there?” Hyunjin asks in between his chuckles.

Seungmin can’t help but scoff and tries to play with his left foot. “Perfect, I must say.” He walks to his now separated sole and grimaces at it. “Guess I gotta be barefoot, huh.”

Hyunjin smiles at him and even though he’s known the other since middle school, he and Hyunjin are never in the same group. And now he completely understands why girls and boys alike flock onto him. There’s something _homely_ the way he smiles compared to when he’s all serious. There’s something comforting about seeing Hyunjin as to more than just a visual that everyone pines for.

“Are you sure though?” Hyunjin eyes him warily and remembers why Hyunjin is reluctant. There was a fight earlier because of the “date” they were supposed to bring. It turned out the girl was two-timing them.

Seungmin heaves a sigh. “I’ll be peachy, don’t worry your pretty little head.”

Hyunjin smiles again and there is something oddly attractive about how the way there are thin wrinkles near his eyes plus the fact that he has that cute little mole just under his left eye. It's barely there but still, Seungmin is able to catch.

And it’s not like Seungmin is affected by that _no, sir, no._

Then Seungmin realizes that Hyunjin (yes, ladies and gents, The Hwang Hyunjin) is kneeling in front of him.

“Cinderella, hop on and let us find your way back home.”

Seungmin clenches his fist and Hyunjin finds himself in another fit of laughter.

“What? It’s midnight and you’re missing a shoe so, yes, Cinderella is very fitting for you at the moment. Come now, your carriage awaits you.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and decides that he doesn’t want Hyunjin to look like a fool if another student comes down so climbs on his back, rounding his arms around his neck and if this ain’t a fairytale kind of scenario, he doesn’t know what is.

“I’m Seungmin, by the way.” He informs him.

Hyunjin shrugs and says, “I think I like Cinderella better.”

All he remembers is that Hyunjin smells like a strong scent of sweet strawberries. Suddenly, Seungmin doesn’t seem to want to let go.

��

The story continues like this:

Seungmin's phone rings and he can’t help but to suppress a sigh. After that night, he and Hyunjin have become the best buddies, the kind of buddies where they playfully banter and throw insults but at the same time always having each other’s backs. Time passes by before he knows that he’s also fallen in love with the same guy who becomes his one night knight-in-shining armor.

“What.” Seungmin deadpans at him.

He hears a loud and dramatic offended gasp at the end line. “What’s gotten into your pants, Cinderella?”

“Shut up. What do you want?”

There’s a pause and Seungmin scrambles with his words. “Hyunjin? Hwang Hyunjin, are you still there?”

He remembers that today is Friday and Fridays meant boyfriends time, in Hyunjin's case that means with Han Jisung, the guy he’s met in their second year college. The same guy that Hyunjin has been dating for the last five years of his life.

The same guy who unintentionally broke Seungmin's heart.

“Jin?” He calls out again, although this time with no bite in his tone.

“Can’t I call my bestest buddy in this universe? I haven’t hang with you for so long so I just want to ask if you’re free.” There’s a little hesitancy in Hyunjin's voice that only comes out when he’s feeling unsure of himself. Seungmin knows this. Seungmin has heard this so many times before.

Hyunjin sighs. “I have chicken. And beer.”

Who is Seungmin to say no to that?

��

  
Kim Seungmin finds himself knocking on Hyunjin's door and the older opens it with wide arms and smile and Seungmin peeks behind him. 

_It’s a full gourmet meal_ , Seungmin realizes, as they sit on around the table. Hyunjin must have spent time decorating everything. From the roses and candles (no matter how old-fashioned it is) scattering on the floor and the way the chicken and seafood all smell delicious, he knows Hyunjin has exerted effort, time, and money. He's always all out, Hyunjin, always is, when he's in love.

“If it weren’t for the fact that all of this were not for Jisung, I would have thought you were courting me.” He teases lightly.

Glaring, Hyunjin flicks his forehead. “You wish.”

And boy, Seungmin really does, he isn’t sure if Hyunjin realizes how much Seungmin would do everything for that. Because no matter what, he can’t find in himself to hate Han Jisung like ever.

Jisung who has been nothing but wonderful to him. Jisung who has been all smiles and understanding on his friendship with Hwang Hyunjin.

Instead, Seungmin is just thankful for finding a friendship in them.

“So what’s the special occasion?” He inquires.

Hyunjin drinks his beer and answers, “You know it’s our anniversary.”

“Where’s Jisungie then?”

“Says he’s still busy at work. I can’t let all of these go down to waste so I call my wonderful best friend.” There’s sadness in Hyunjin's eyes no matter how he tries really hard to be okay.

Seungmin wants to pry but decides against it. “I can’t believe I’m the second choice.”

Hyunjin glances at him and ruffles his hair. “No, you’re not.”

The underlying meaning of those three words almost flip something in his stomach. It’s not supposed to be there --- to happen but boy, it does. 

“You know that you’ll never be the second choice.” Hyunjin whispers and Seungmin tries not to ask him to repeat what he’s saying. Rather, he distracts his thoughts by munching chicken loudly until he coughs.

  
Hyunjin, the ever caring best of friend, runs to the kitchen and gives him a cup of water which he drinks as fast as he can. After that, Hyunjin laughs at his face and Seungmin wants to laugh, too, but he wants to just kiss him all the same way.

  
“I mean, you deserve to be the only choice, Seungmin.” He continues and boy does it make Seungmin's heart out of his ribcage.

Seungmin feigns ignorance with the way there’s lovely pink blush on his cheeks (he’d blame it on the spicy chicken or the beer, it’s easier like that than anything). “So what happened to you and Jisung?”

Hyunjin gulps another beer and says, “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.” Hyunjin repeats again, more like he’s convincing himself instead of Seungmin. “And I guess, that’s just it.”

There’s a little crack that Seungmin hears from the older's admittance. Hyunjin is all but down. He’s all pranks and smiles and happiness and confidence, not the way the other is trying to make himself look smaller with his arms wrapped around himself. Hyunjin looks like he’s guarding himself from something Seungmin cannot quite comprehend.

Seungmin bites his lips, looking for the perfect words to comfort his words but soon as he turns around, Hyunjin puts his head on his shoulders with a smile that he knows that is going to haunt him this night.

“You have the best lips, you know?” Hyunjin says.

Seungmin wants to retort back --- because what he feels for the other gets crazier and crazier with every word coming out of the other’s mouth and it needs to stop.

Before Seungmin says something back, Hyunjin sighs and admits, “I think --- Sung has fallen out of love with me.”

  
��

  
The trigger comes out like this:

  
Seungmin has always dreamed of actually getting his own surprise, who doesn’t, especially when he sees Hyunjin's own restaurant turns into a beautiful and private occasion event.

Today is Jisung's birthday and Hyunjin is making sure that everything is set, from Jisung's favorite red roses and bright yellow sunflowers scattered all over the carpeted floor to all Jisung's favorite food (not too spicy, a little lame, Seungmin knows) that the elder personally prepared, to the chocolate cake that Hyunjin ordered from the other’s favorite pastry shop, down to all the balloons and greeting plastered all over, even to all their friends, Felix, Chan, Jeongin, and Changbin --- everything is settled.

There’s something warming about the thought of someone giving all their heart and effort into something like this. Seungmin wishes that one day it’s going to happen to it, as well.

The thought of Hyunjin doing this for him --- he shakes the mere thought away and watches the other not staying still, fidgeting all over his place.

“Can you like --- stop moving?” Jeongin chastises his best friend and he can’t help but laugh.

Because Hyunjin looks like he’s going through diarrhea that he happened to witness, by accident, during their second year in high school. All pale and all sweaty.

“You look like you’re about to propose that’s why you can’t stay still.” He hears Chan say.

A pin drop silence clouds them all when Hyunjin freezes on his ground. Seungmin perks his ears when the other opens and closes his mouth and he hopes he denies it. He wishes (at the back of his mind) that Hyunjin is not thinking that right now.

“Oh god.” Changbin breaks the tension and claps Hyunjin on his back. “You truly are!”

Hyunjin clears his throat and Seungmin picks up the pieces of his heart.

��

  
The door clings and there goes Han Jisung in all his glory. Mouth wide agape, Jisung eyes each corner of the restaurant full of Hwang Hyunjin’s love and effort.

“Happy Birthday!” They greet and Seungmin claps like an autopilot.

  
Hyunjin reaches the other with the bright yellow sunflowers in his hands. He remembers once the elder telling him that Jisung reminds him of the said flowers.

_“_ _Why so?” His eyebrows raised as his fingers run through the console game he’s holding._

_Hyunjin attacks and smirks. “It’s how Jisung smiles. All bright and cheerful and it reminds me of how after a long day, just a smile can brighten me up.”_

_Seungmin's_ _finger freezes. He’s never heard Hyunjin describing someone that way in the past years they’ve known each other._ _He’s too unromantic,_ _Seungmin thinks. But then a certain brown haired medical boy comes, and the elder is sprouting romantic bullshits._

_Seungmin can see it in his eyes when he glances on his left side. The way Hyunjin's eyes sparkle and how it is leaving him an open hole in his heart._

_His character dies and he hears Hyunjin celebrating wistfully._

  
“Happy birthday, love.” Hyunjin's voice cuts through his reverie and Jisung takes the bouquet albeit hesitantly. 

They sing him a birthday song as they walk to them. Each giving a gift to the birthday boy, Seungmin giving his as the last person in line. He’s happy. Hyunjin is happy. Jisung is happy.

_Right?_

“Now, it’s my turn.” Hyunjin claps his hands and announces. Jisung, in his medical gown turns to him with questioning brows.

_Don’t_ , he wants to say.

Would that make him a bad best friend?

_Don’t do it._

But Hyunjin is kneeling down in front of the other, taking a velvet box out of his breast pocket. His hands shake as he opens and reveals a diamond ring in it.

“We’ve been together for a long time, right, Sung? I---” He exhales loudly, earning laughter from the others. Seungmin is not sure why he’s feeling a little nervous for this. “I think we need to take it to another level.”

“Hyunjin ---” Jisung calls softly.

“After so many years, I cannot imagine a life without you, Sunshine. Will you marry a fool in love with you?” He finally asks.

Jisung avoids his eyes and looks up. They wait in bathed breath as Jisung stands, hands hanging limply on his sides.

_Why._

“I---” Jisung says and Seungmin is so confused right now. _Take it,_ he wants to scream. _Take it_ , because Hyunjin looks like his world is about to collapse and Seungmin can’t have that. “I--- I know I’m the worst person right now but I’m sorry.” The tears on the doctor’s face are falling. “I can’t take it. It’s been good being with you. You’re perfect, Hyunjinnie, and this is just me. It’s all in me. Never you. I’m sorry.”

_Fuck_.

Jisung bows to Hyunjin, cupping his cheeks with his hands then turns to him that makes him shell shocked.

“I know I promised you not to hurt him. But --- I know this is the best for us. For him, for you. I’m sorry, Seungmin.” He says and runs out of the restaurant.

Hyunjin falls on the ground. Seungmin’s heart falls, as well. He’s not sure how he can pick up both his and Hyunjin’s hearts back into pieces.

  
��

“That’s bullshit, and I know it.” Hyunjin’s voice echoes in the restaurant, holding a glass of soju in his right and a bottle in his left. “Hell, you all know it!”

“Hyunjin---”

Hyunjin looks at them, tie loose, hair messy, eyes red and puffy and with a sad smile, he says. “It’s been a day, I guess. You can go home now.”

“But hyung ---” Jeongin protests which earns him a glare from the taller man. 

“I’m not killing myself, don’t worry.” He puts down his glass to ruffle the youngest’s hair. “I just want to be by myself tonight.”

“Will you call?” There’s worry in Felix's voice when he asks.

Hyunjin nods. “After I get home, I promise you.”

“Are you sure?” Chan eyes him.

Another nod. “Very positive. See you tomorrow!” He waves at them.

Seungmin wants to open his mouth. He wants to run his fingers through the elder's now messy hair. He wants to pat him, to reach out to him, to hold him yet the uncertainties hanging in the air is eating him alive. 

And Hyunjin knows him by heart as he offers him a tap on his shoulder instead. “Go. I’d be fine.”

Seungmin wants to argue and fights back but it’s a lost case now especially the younger has turned around to drown himself and Seungmin hates the silence that cuts through right after.

Hyunjin deserves better. Hyunjin deserves the best.

  
��

  
The conflict comes like this:

  
Knocks are heard, echoing on the floor where Seungmin resides in. The knocks are soft and can barely be heard but sleep hasn’t found Seungmin that night so he finds himself crossing the space from his bedroom to the door and surprise overwhelms him.

“Care for a night, Cinderella?” Hyunjin says in lieu of his greeting.

He reeks of alcohol and he wrinkles his nose in disgust so he just eyes him warily.

The other shrugs his shoulders and waves the plastic bags in front of him. “I’ve got some chicken and beer with me.”

Seungmin steps aside.

Hyunjin comes in and sighs, “I knew I could buy you with chicken, Cinderella. Too easy.”

They settle in the living room’s floor with a muted TV on. Hwang Hyunjin is settled beside him, a little too close for Seungmin’s comfort. He’s not sure if he needs to move or if he needs to wrap his arms around him so he decides to chug down his beer.

“Calm the fuck down, Cinderella.” Hyunjin comments. “You’re not the one whose proposal was a failure. You’re not the one who got his heart broken.”.

Seungmin begs to differ because every time he’s with his best friend, his heart feels like it is being pricked by a needle. It’s tiny but it brings more and more pain for him.

“Perhaps, I really discredited Jisung all this time.” Seungmin perks up and turns to Hyunjin whose eyes are burning holes on the muted TV. _It’s been a week_ , he reminds himself. “I thought I could fool us to be okay by asking him to marry me.”

“F-fool us?” He stutters.

“I know that Jisung and I have been distant for the past months and I was thinking that if maybe I was a good actor, I could fool the two of us into believing we’re fine. Fuck,” He sighs. “I thought we would be fine if I asked him to marry me.”

Bitter laugh echoes in the living room and Seungmin knows he’s going to end up having a nightmare later from how broken Hyunjin sounds at the moment.

“We were falling apart, Seung.” Hyunjin admits, running his fingers through his hair. “We kept missing each other’s dates, we were busy and we were both stubborn about it. God, at nights, I’d close my eyes and thought if I was regretting that time.”

“That time?”

“Remember my twenty-first birthday, Seungmin?”

  
_The night is young and Seungmin excitedly makes his way to the beach where Hyunjin and his pick up car are. Birthday traditions always are spend together the night before with only the two of them._

_Tonight, he’s decided would be a little different. Instead of the usual hanging out in karaoke room, he’d surprise his best friend with a cake and a confession._

_All these years, Seungmin has always been a little too in like with Hwang Hyunjin. He has to admit that, even to himself. Despite of his inhibitions about admitting it to him, he’d rather break his heart now so he can heal the next days than break himself slowly. Seungmin’s Mom did not raise him to be a coward. He’s Seoul's Kim Seungmin and his Dad would be ashamed if he cannot confess by now after his endless calls he’s made to rant about the elder Hwang._

_He’d deal with it. He can deal with it, Seungmin sighs once he’s already by the shore._

_At the back of Hyunjin’s pick up car is where he sits and Seungmin would lie if he says he’s not nervous about what he wants to do._

_When Seungmin blinks, he’s realized that Hyunjin, in his simple black plain t-shirt and denim pants, is not alone. There, in front of him stands another boy._

_Han Jisung._

_He’s met the other a few times since he easily made friends with all of his and Hyunjin’s friends. He’s the friendliest and kindest person he’s ever met. Seungmin wants to protect him at all cost._

_Perhaps, that’s exactly how Hwang Hyunjin feels for Han Jisung, too. From where Seungmin stills, he can see them wearing party hats on, a chocolate cake in between the two of them, and Hyunjin’s hands behind Jisung’s pockets. They are too close. Noses bumping and smiles shining brightly._

_Seungmin tightly holds onto the box of cake he’s holding. But Seungmin knows he should be holding onto his heart a little tighter than the box of cake in his hands._

  
“And what about it?” Seungmin distracts himself and looks away from the other.

Hyunjin chugs his beer and this time, faces him. “I waited for you that night, as well. But Jisung came to me first. I wonder what’s going to happen if you came first.”

“What the fuck does that mean.”

They are now looking at each other. _This is the alcohol speaking_ , Seungmin reminds himself over and over again in his head. But he catches the way Hyunjin is stealing glances at his lips then to his eyes.

Seungmin cannot help but look at Hyunjin’s chapped lips and he’s always wondered how it feels like to have his lips on his own. 

For the record, they taste heaven.

����

  
_This is alcohol speaking._

He reminds himself that once Hyunjin traps his face with his big hands. He reminds himself that when Hyunjin kisses him again, tongue begging for an entrance and swipes his mouth once given the permission.

  
He points out that this is alcohol speaking right now as their fingers are suddenly pulling off each other’s t-shirts. He tells himself that this is alcohol speaking as they fiddle on each other’s belts. Hyunjin wipes the sweat on his jaw and Seungmin shivers loudly.

Seungmin wants more more more of Hwang Hyunjin as their erections touch each others. There’s something with the way the elder has looking at him in the middle of the heated ecstasy that burns him in. 

The way the other slowly guides themselves until his back meets the couch, to the way he guides him to lie down and peppers his naked torso gives too much electricity. It’s with how at each touch of his expert tongue in every part of Seungmin’s sensitivity drives his insane.

Seungmin is drowning with everything that is Hyunjin.

Seungmin dies when Hyunjin easily slips one digit and he tries so hard to suppress the moans coming out of him with his hand but Hyunjin eyes him questioningly and intertwines their fingers instead.

“I want to hear all of you.” Hyunjin tells him.

So Seungmin gives in because with three fingers ramming right through him, he still wants more.

“More.” He begs.

Hyunjin stops his fingers, pulling them out, their eyes never wavering away from each others, is when Seungmin really gives in with a whine. He wants _Hyunjin Hyunjin Hyunjin and Hyunjin._

Hyunjin aligns his cock to Seungmin, legs dangling on the other’s shoulders and finally allows himself to be vulnerable.

_Just for tonight_.

“I love you.” Hyunjin whispers in between his moans.

Kim Seungmin hasn’t been to Heaven but with every thrust Hyunjin is making, Seungmin decides that Heaven cannot compare.

��

  
Last night is not Kim Seungmin’s biggest regret in his life.

For the moment he opens his eyes, without trace of what has happened, he finds Hwang Hyunjin, his own best friend in his kitchen, hair sticking out like a sparrow’s nest.

“Breakfast with me?” Hyunjin asks him, showing that fucking smile that has his knees jelly each time.

  
Seungmin gives in. He always does. For Hwang Hyunjin.

��

  
This is how the second climax happens:

  
After That Fucked Up Night, stylized in every sense of Literally and Figuratively, Kim Seungmin pretends nothing has happened. It’s where he’s good at. He’s been pretending for the past few years of his life, what’s more to coming years, right?

Wrong...

Because no matter how he erases That Fucked Up Night, he cannot. Not when every part of his apartment nor every breathing gives him a reminder of everything that happened. It’s real. It really happened.

“Kim Seungmin!”

Person A better run now as A.) Person A cuts through Person B’s (Seungmin, for that matter) walking through memory lane and B.) Person A made his much needed coffee stain all over his hand.

Seungmin glares. “Ouch.” He belatedly says.

Person A aka Seo Changbin is now standing in front of him, eyes concerned, and hands waving near his eyes like a fool that he’s always been.

“I’ve been calling you for the past three minutes, Seungie. Welcome to the Real World.” Changbin tells him, laughing his ass.

“It’s funny to you, huh, asshole.” The younger rolls his eyes at him, shaking the stains of coffee even on his polo. “Ugh, I hate you, asshole.”

Changbin looks at him like he’s grown two heads. “I’m promoted as your favorite asshole now. So is Hyunjin demoted?” The elder comments.

_Hyunjin…_

“Speaking of, where the fuck is Hyunjin? Haven’t seen him since the…. news.” Changbin trails off.

Neither has he, to be honest. Not since The Fucked Up Night and that’s been a week already. And The News happened two weeks ago already. How time flies fast indeed.

“Not sure, as well. It’s not like I’m my best friend’s keeper, noh?”

Changbin scoffs. “Aren’t you? You both are attached to the hips. Not even an angel named Han Jisung could ever separate you apart.”

“Cause we’re the Ride or Die Bros.” 

“Bros.” Changbin reaffirms, nodding his head. “I wonder what Hyunjin would think if he sees your little secret room, huh?”

Seungmin knows it’s supposed to be just a joke but the fluster on his face says otherwise. 

“Fuck you.” Seungmin curses, taking his steps away from Changbin.

_Nobody is supposed to know. They are not supposed to know._

Changbin's manic laughter is echoing. “Pretty sure you’d like Hyunjin to do that.”

  
His eyes wander around the white room. Different portraits --- colored or penciled --- are scattered on the walls and the floor.

Everything’s messy, of newspaper, of white papers, of pallets, of paint brushes, of pencils, of rulers, of his thoughts. But they’re only messy because of one person.

_Hwang Hyunjin._

He wonders how the elder would feel and react once he finds this room. He wonders if he’d been stupid or vulnerable that night.

Seungmin knows that he should be regretting everything that has happened. But he isn’t, he doesn’t. Not an ounce.

Because he realizes that he wants Hwang Hyunjin more than ever and he’s not going to let this chance slip away in front of his eyes.

  
His phone rings and he answers it with bated breath. “H-hello?”

“What.”

Seungmin runs out of the room, everything else is forgotten.

  
?

  
The inner turmoil turns out like this:

  
“I’m sorry, you were the one he’s been trying to call.” The girl eyes him carefully and apologetically.

Seungmin gives Nayeon a sigh. “It’s fine, Noona.”

Hyunjin has his face planted on the table. Bottles of soju and cans of beer are everywhere. He shakes his head and taps him on his shoulders.

“Yah.”

Hyunjin only swats his hand, only to end up on his face. Seungmin wants to laugh but he’s trying so hard not to do it so he ends up tapping him more. Hyunjin looks up and smiles goofily.

“You look like my Cinderella!” Hyunjin points his finger at him. “But --- I don’t think my Cinderella would be here.” The whine Hyunjin emits is cute.

Cute but Hyunjin is awfully drank and Seungmin has always been the one to carry him home every single time.

“Now, who’s the Cinderella huh.” He scoffs as he scoots Hyunjin higher on his back. He’s heavy with all the exercises he’s been doing..

  
  


Hyunjin pokes his left cheek blindly and giggles. “Squishy squishy! My squishy Cinderella.”

“If I was Cinderella, why do I have to carry you all the way to your---” He puts down Hyunjin on his couch and huffs at him. “--- apartment. You’re so stupid, you know.”

Seungmin is about to go to the kitchen when is stopped by Hyunjin holding his wrist and pulling him down with him on the couch. His heart is turning crazier with each passing moment because they’re so close like this. They’re so close again like this.

And Hyunjin eyes him tenderly. The kind of gaze that easily melts him inside then closes the gap between their lips. 

This time, it’s soft and gentle, the way they’re giving each other time to explore each other’s caverns. Both of them are being careful and respectful and Seungmin melts and melts and continues to melt.

What stops them is the loud slam of the door from the other’s apartment. Seungmin literally jumps away from Hyunjin who giggles and closes his eyes.

“I regret everything that night, Seungmin. I regret everything that night.” He sighs and drifts off.

  
  


If there is anything, Seungmin feels like he’s lost a part of his life. Because he knows Hyunjin would regret what happened to them. Hyunjin has always been in love with a person that is not Seungmin.

This may be Seungmin’s love story but it doesn’t mean it has to be with Hwang Hyunjin. It doesn’t mean it has to be a happy ending.

Seungmin leaves Hyunjin’s apartment with a soup in his oven for the latter to heat once he’s woken up and a heart that’s been flat out broken and can never be mended again.

��

  
The chaos perseveres like this:

  
With Seungmin seated in front of his door and loud knocks coming out from the other side of the door. It’s 12 in the morning and he knows by tomorrow, all tenants are going to go after his ass because of the noise.

Said noise yells, “Open the fuck up, Kim Seungmin. You know me, I don’t give up.”

Seungmin only tightens his hold onto his legs. He’s so confused at the moment because he’s been trying so hard to avoid Hyunjin because Hyunjin is so bad for his heart but he’s here. Stubborn and determined.

“Do you want to wake the whole seventh floor, Cinderella?” He threatens. “Because you can watch me do it, Seungmin, and you know I’m not kidding.”

He hates Hyunjin yet once he opens the door to his apartment, his heart suddenly goes all frantic with how gorgeous he looks like as he immediately runs inside the apartment.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Hyunjin tells him. “What the fuck, Seungmin, you cannot shut me out like that, I was worried sick. That was two weeks of hell.”

_Two weeks of hell cannot compare to the times I was the one in there._

“Can you just leave?” Seungmin snaps.

Hyunjin seems taken aback and stands his ground. “I want to know why you’re avoiding me like I’m some plague, Seungmin. I mean after ---”

_I regret everything that night, Seungmin._

“Nothing happened.” He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to sound convincing as possible. He needs to convince Hyunjin the most, but he knows it’s a lie. “Nothing happened, Hyunjin, I’m just not feeling well so could you please leave?”

“Seungmin--- listen ----”

Seungmin stomps his feet and meets his gaze directly. This time, he stops truly, as he sees the confusion and fear are written all over his face. _This is new to him_ , Seungmin, he reminds himself.

_I regret everything that night, Seungmin._

It sounds like a broken mantra in his ears that the elder wouldn’t want to listen to anymore. Because perhaps, it might be a regret to Hwang Hyunjin, but never to him.

His hands lie on his sides, shaking as he starts to wipe the threatening tears on his eyes. “Can you please just go?”

Hyunjin nods, resigned to his best friend’s decision, shoulders slump as he takes hesitant steps to the door. There’s something at the back of his head to stop him --- stay and don’t go --- to heal again once more.

But he doesn’t.

The door silently closes and Seungmin stares at it dumbly with tears freely falling. It’s not the radio silence that scares him nor even the empty feeling that this apartment is crowding him. It’s the thought that he might never see Hwang Hyunjin because more than his first love, Hwang Hyunjin is his best friend.

Perhaps, this is the worst kind of heart break Kim Seungmin is going to experience all his life.

��

The get away car comes like this:

  
“Our company needs another person in the Philippines who can handle the business well.” His manager says, excitement all over his face.

Seungmin is not sure why he needs to be here, as well, as he is not entirely sure if the right person is him, he knows that their company is sending one of the best people. He’d rather be on his desk, moping and pretending to work. Or in his bed, crying his heart out.

“Kim Seungmin? Seungmin?” Daehwi, one of his friends at work, elbows him.

He reacts late. “Oww.”

Then, that’s when he notices that people are looking at him with expectations and he’s not really getting it. At all.

“I guess, Mr. Kim is still in disbelief, but congratulations and I hope you see yourself always giving your best.”

His mouth is wide open, still not sinking but what he sees is the get away car he’s been searching to get away from this situation that he dug himself in.

It’s right in front of him and he’s not exactly sure if this is right or wrong but all he knows is that it’s suffocating and Kim Seungmin needs a fresh of air.

( “Seungmin?”

He stays quiet..

“I know you’re listening, but I just want to tell you that I’m really sorry. For everything that happened between us.” A sigh escapes the other’s lips. “Not sure how it turned out like this.”

Seungmin puts his hands in front of his mouth to stop himself from sobbing.

“If I could turn back what happened, I would. I just want to have my best friend back, eh? I just want my Cinderella back.”

Seungmin dries his tears with his fists. He is no Cinderella and this is no fairy tale. There is no carriage awaiting for him nor a fairy god mother to save his ass, that’s what Seungmin is sure of.

He does not open the door. )

  
��

The pull strikes him in the most unexpected way:

“Mom?” He asks.

His mother’s calm voice booms from the other line and he can’t help but chuckle because if anything, it’s her that Seungmin the most.

“When is my baby coming back?” She asks, cooing like he’s a five year old.

“Does my Mom miss her favorite child back?” He teases.

Mom laughs at the other line. “Don’t dare tell it to your Noona!”

Seungmin laughs at that. “I’d make sure to gloat it to her more and more when I see her.”

“Pfft.” Mom scoffs. “Have you heard, though?”

The laughter stops babbling out of his mouth. “What is it, Mom?”

“You received an invitation letter.” Seungmin rummages through his desk and there it sits. A gray envelope lying solemnly under the stacks of paper. “I’m sure you remember Han Jisung-ssi? He’s inviting you to their wedding.”

The tears fall from his face. So Hyunjin got Jisung to say yes to him again after three years huh? That makes sense. Because in every universe, Seungmin knows that he cannot be in love with his own best friend.

“Seungmin?” His mom’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

Seungmin tries to sigh as silently as possible. “So Jisung's wedding, huh?”

“It’ll be in Jeju and he sent you a plane ticket so you can’t get out of it. Baby, don’t you think three years has been too long?”

“Mom….”

Three years is not too long because comparing it to the years he spent being in love with Hwang Hyunjin is incomparable.

But this is his best friend’s wedding. How worst can it get than getting his heart crush into pieces by his own best friend, right?

��

The final push is like this:

  
  


  
  


With him on the phone one last Friday, a garlic bread hanging on his lips.

  
  


  
  


There stands his greatest friend, Felix, one hand on his hip, the other with a small bag. He is smiling like Seungmin lights up the world for him. It's been three years too long and yet, Felix is here. With him.

  
  


  
  


“Seung---” Felix sobs as soon as he wraps his arms around him.

  
  


Seungmin also wants to sob but he's too surprised --- the kind of happy surprise --- to even feel sad.

  
  


“Seungminnie, I missed you so much.” Felix mumbles on his shoulders and suddenly, Seungmin feels like home. When he pulls away from his friend, there are tears on his eyes and Seungmin runs his fingers to wipe them away. “Come back home, yeah?”

  
  


_Home?_

  
  


  
  


Kim Seungmin guesses he can never run away from home for too long.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


��

  
The ending continues like this:

  
A finished wedding. 

People enjoying their food in an open air reception. He meets people he’s known and shares a nod at them or two.

Seungmin is late and he wants to drag himself away as fast as possible. He needs to avoid any close encounter with Hwang Hyunjin or he’s not losing his heart but even his sanity. 

He’d rather not.

There, Jisung stands in his gorgeous white tux, wearing his best smile and then --- oh --- Hyunjin zeroes him to the elder one with a smile, wrapping his arms around him, proud. Happy. In love.

The want to run away --- the need to disappear doubles more. _This is a wrong decision_ , because he feels like throwing up instead. He should be happy. He must be happy for his own best friend.

Yet, all he feels is _hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt._ Everything aches in his body and he wants to hide under his blanket once more and forget.

So he turns around and sets to go.

“Seung!”

“Seungmin—”

_Go away._

“Kim Seungmin, stop right there!”

His feet plant on the ground. He turns around to see Han Jisung, wearing the most gorgeous smile he’s seen. They deserve better than a friend who’s ready to throw everything away because he’s in love with his best friend and cannot, for the life of him, admit his love can never be returned.

“Hey--- hi, Jisungie!” Fake smile plasters on his face.

Jisung chuckles, the kind of genuine which makes his stomach churn from the guilt. He hugs him but there’s only guilt and regret, remembering the nights he took a chance to be vulnerable to his now-husband.

When they separate, he says, “Congratulations to you and Hyunjin. I’m happy for the both of you.”

“Hyunjin?” Jisung asks, tilting his head to the side, eyebrows raising.

“Yes, Hyunjin. I’m just --- genuinely happy for you and him and just --- wow, it’s here. Three years after.”

Jisung laughs at him. “Seungmin ---”

Seungmin’s phone beeps and he casts a glance at it. “I hate to say but I need to go.”

“Wait, you haven’t met my ---”

_My what? My Hyunjin? My husband, Hyunjin?_

There’s next time for that. There’s next time. Kim Seungmin is going to take it baby steps.

��

The forever starts with a déjà vu:

Seungmin needs to go. Seungmin needs to leave and he’s not sure why this fucking hallway seems unending, he’s sure it only took him seconds when he’s entering the building.

No matter what it takes, Seungmin needs to go. This is making him breathless so he power walks instead. He just wants to go. He just wants to hide.

However, lady luck is never on his side because for some reason that he cannot comprehend, his left shoe gives up on him. His left shoe is open, fresh air seeping through his sock.

Mouth wide open, eyes glaring at now offending left sole of his shoe, he cannot fathom his luck. At all.

“Seriously? Of all places?” He asks, trying to breathe. “Oh my god, why? I just fucking bought you and now, really? Of all places? You could have given up on me in the airport --- or even in the cab but here? Wow, you make me speechless.”

“Is everything okay?”

_“_ _You okay there?”_

“Per---”

_Seungmin can’t help but scoff and tries to play with his left foot. “Perfect, I must say.” He walks to his now separated sole and grimaces at it. “Guess I gotta be barefoot, huh.”_

There, he stands in his perfect black tuxedo. Traces of maturity can be seen in his face with his more chiseled jaw and cleaner cut. His hair, this time, unlike the first time he met him, is in the deepest black shade. A taunting smile is drawn on his face.

His throat feels dry.

_Get the fuck out of it together, Kim fucking Seungmin_!

Seungmin bends to get the sole of his shoe and says, “Perfect.” Then he meets Hyunjin’s eyes. “Hi.”

The other smiles at him, the one which shows his blinding smile and he’d be lying if he says he doesn’t miss it --- miss him. Because no matter how much he tries so hard to run the opposite side, inevitably a day would come where he is going to face his greatest fear.

And it’s standing right in front of him --- looking all glowing and dashing --- and _married_.

“Congratulations.” 

“For what?”

“For you know ---- getting married to Jisungie.”

“What ---” Hyunjin questions and suddenly, Seungmin watches as it dawns to him that he’s married now and oh, Seungmin also realizes that his heart is not yet done breaking. “Oh my god, Kim Seungmin, you’re a stupid fool.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

Hyunjin walks towards him and kneels down. Seungmin panics because what if Jisungie hyung sees it and “What the fuck are you doing? Don’t you have a reception to go back to?”

“Hop on, Cinderella.” Seungmin grimaces by the nickname.

Seungmin walks backwards, not really processing what the hell is happening right now so Hyunjin stands up and flicks on his forehead. There’s a fond smile on his face. Right there and then, Seungmin kinds of melt.

Hyunjin waves his fingers at him. “Can you see a wedding ring, Kim Seungmin?”

_None. What._

Again, Hyunjin kneels and insists on him getting on his back yet Seungmin doesn’t move an inch.

“Come on, Cinderella, your carriage awaits you.”

Seungmin can’t fight the smile on his face. “Shut up.” But he jumps onto the other’s back and wraps his arms around his neck.

“I did not marry Jisungie, Kim Seungmin.” Hyunjin tells him and Seungmin tries so hard not to make the stupid thump on his heart be heard by the younger. “I’ve never wanted to get back together with him since that time. Hell, thinking back I’m happy he never got to say yes to me.”

“Why.”

Hyunjin hoists him higher, hands under his butt. “When I said I regretted that night, Seungmin,” In this, he feels himself tense. “I meant it but not in the way you think it was. I regretted it because what if you misunderstood? Seung, my ex dumped me and here I was kissing my best friend? What if I lose you after that?”

Hyunjin then stops from walking, choosing to meet his eyes this time. “But then I lost you. You cut me off like it was nothing for you. When I lost you, I lost myself, as well. I couldn’t reach you --- everyone around you suddenly acted like you didn’t exist.”

“It felt like I was dying.” Hyunjin continues. “I should have tried harder and I regret that I didn’t. But Seungmin---”

Seungmin holds his breath at this.

“I don’t want to continue regretting the things I’ve said and things I should have done. I regretted the time I should have confessed to you on my twenty-first birthday. I regretted all the fights I made with Jisung just so I could have an excuse to run to you. I regretted all the times I should have told I was --- am in love with you.”

Seungmin cannot wrap his head around Hyunjin’s words because there are tears tears and just more tears falling from his eyes.

“The thin line between friendship and love sometimes blurred for me, Seung, and that’s so scary, because what if I hurt you? What if we couldn’t last?”

“You couldn’t decide just like that, Hyunjin.”

“I know.” Hyunjin hangs his head forward. “And I’m sorry because I should have just crossed the line.”

Seungmin jumps off and punches him on his shoulder again and again. “You couldn’t spare me the heart break, Hwang Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin smiles and Seungmin feels like the world is a lot brighter than it used to be as he takes his face into his hands and god, no matter how calloused they feel like, Hyunjin would always feel homely and safe.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting, so please forgive this pathetic best friend of yours to be your lover, would you?”

Seungmin scoffs and punches him once more but this time, he moves forward so their lips can meet. Seungmin knows he shouldn’t be hearing fireworks but Hyunjin’s lips on his feels like a New Year.

“I love you.” Hyunjin says. “I love you and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Seungmin bumps his hip on Hyunjin’s and says, “Why don’t you just spend the rest of your life loving me?”

The blush on both of their cheeks are evident and Seungmin wants the ground to eat him up so he tries to power walk away from a laughing Hyunjin.

“Did you just ask me for marriage, Kim Seungmin?” He guffaws.

Seungmin glares at him as Hyunjin tries to run away. This time, Kim Seungmin is not letting him go as he runs after and jumps on his back, securely putting his arms around Hyunjin. 

Now, Seungmin knows that what he feels for Hwang Hyunjin is something unheard of or an orthodox. Because he’d cross the thin line of friendship and love over and over again if the one waiting for him is Hwang Hyunjin at the end side of it.

This feels happiness and it feels infinite and Seungmin is contented by this ending more than anything.

  
_And baby I’m so terrified of if you ever walk away_.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are soooooooooo appreciated!!  
> thank you for reading this uwuuuwuwuwu


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